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- You don’t get things because you want them so bad.
- I’m the head of this household. I will do what I think is best for our home, our family, and our children.
- I am a man of God. What I do here is done out of the intention of what I believe is best for you.
- You don’t get what you want by proving a point or proving me wrong. If you want something, you ask, we discuss it nicely, with respect and gratitude for what you already have. We compare it to the spiritual standards we live by in our home, which is the Bible and Adi Da’s teaching word. We come to a conclusion from there. If we disagree, I have the final say, or mom and I, as we are ultimately in charge of your well being and your greatest welfare.
- You don’t get something you want because other people are doing it or because other people have it. That is a non-issue, and has no bearing on the decision making process. By being strongly influenced by other people, you are only causing yourself to suffer. The standards we live by are the standards that God has given us, through His Word, not the standards of how other people live.
Everything starts with gratitude for what you do have, and then respecting your parents, which means respecting their knowledge and experience, and trusting that they want what’s best for you.
Rebellion makes the statement that you don’t trust us. It’s saying that you don’t think we love you enough to want you to be happy. It’s saying that we are not giving you what you want because we want you to suffer, not because we want what’s best for you.
Words and behaviors that imply rebellion, un-love, disrespect, and ungratefulness will lead to consequences, such as:
- Removing all/some of your current privileges
Everything is a privilege and a gift. Being alive is a privilege and a gift.
I will do my duty to supply you with love, guidance and support, and life necessities like food and shelter, until you are 18 years old. Anything beyond 18 and anything beyond basic necessities will be given to you when you show gratitude, responsibility, relationship, and respect, and it will be given in the amounts that we determine are best, in proportion to your levels of gratitude, responsibility, relationship, and respect.
If there is not gratitude, responsibility, relationship, and respect, there will be no privileges beyond basic necessities.
Gratitude, responsibility, relationship, and respect apply to your dealings with your parents (us), your brothers and sisters, your cousins, your aunts and uncles, your teachers- everyone in the community.
I have no obligation to give you what you want. What you want is not God. God is God! You are not God. Your desires don’t run the universe, they don’t run God, they don’t run me, and they don’t run this home.
At the same time, I love you, and I want you to be happy. I’m willing to listen. I’m willing to understand your wants and your opinions. I may not agree with them, but I’m willing to hear you out. And I’m willing to consider your opinions, if they are presented with gratitude and respect, and within the confines of our love-relationship.
In other words, if you come to us with a desire, and you make it sound like we are obligated to give that to you for any reason, or that you should have it, or that it’s your inherent right to have it, or that if we don’t give it to you you are going to rebel with some negative attitude or activity, then you are approaching your parents (and God) outside of love-relationship, trying to prove that you’re right and we’re wrong, and trying to “win” through overpowering, conquering, and destroying your parents (and God) who love you. This will not be tolerated, ever, period.
We can determine set apart times to sit down and discuss the things that you want, with parents and children/young adults present.
If we are having a discussion outside of a set-apart time, then:
- If it gets too intense, or if it is interfering with family time that is supposed to include others in the family, or causing strain over dinner, then it will stop immediately upon my word.
- There is to be no discussion after 8 pm, before school, or while preparing for an event.
So, if you want something:
- Start with gratitude for what you do have.
- Ask for what you want in a decent and respectful manner, staying in relationship while you ask it.
- Discuss how you’ve shown responsibility to be able to handle that privilege.
- Accept the final decisions with gratitude and respect.
Once a decision is made, we can talk about future possibilities based on your level of responsibility. But if we have made a decision, and you continue to push your opinions, argue and fight, and then lose your level of gratitude and respect and even tantrum because you are not getting what you want, you are showing immaturity and irresponsibility.
The consequence of such behavior will be any of the following, and will continue at least until you have come back to a state of love-relationship, gratitude and respect:
- Service, especially to your brothers/sisters
- Service to the house/home
- Removing all/some of your current privileges.
Family Meetings Order
- Start with prayer.
- Discuss what we have, how blessed we are, moving in a circle and giving thanks.
- Child/young adult will state his case with respect, staying in relationship:
- What does he/she want.
- What responsibility have they shown to be able to handle that privilege.
- Is the item or activity consistent with Biblical/spiritual ideals and ways of living?
- Parents will respond with their thoughts.
- Discussion continues back and forth, especially pertaining to 3b and 3c.
- A final decision is made.
- What/how much will be given.
- How will it be monitored?
- What responsibilities will be associated with it?
- Any prerequisites to having that privilege? (Study, research, proof of responsibility.)
- What will be the consequences of not fulfilling those responsibilities.
- Schedule follow up meeting.
This all being said, be aware that we are starting over. It might be hard at first, but with time, you will see that this way of living will be happier and less stressful to everyone, and we can live in peace, together, in the home.