Someone close to me was being made fun of.
They claimed that when he was a toddler, they walked in on him nude and swinging his wee-wee around playfully.
He went on to methodically disprove this mythical and embarrassing incident as to stand up for himself and clear his name.
The problem is that this led only to further argument and no solution.
If you are going to try to prove yourself right, or prove someone else wrong, the other person is going to react and defend themselves. That’s the consistent reality.
In the midst of this, why was it so important to prove the other person wrong? Was it to defend his honor? To avoid embarrassment? To express his anger? To get retribution for his friend’s unrestrained gossip?
In reality, he felt hurt. He felt angry. He felt worried about his reputation. He had reactive feelings toward the situation.
Instead of proving anything, say, “I feel,” or “I felt,” or, “when you said ______ about me, I felt hurt.” Now you are bypassing the argument and expressing your own emotions. Here is where relationship can happen, and you give the other person the opportunity to understand how you feel.
So next time you are angry, don’t try and prove yourself right and prove them wrong. Instead, see the best in them, be honest about how you feel and allow yourself to connect with others at the level of feeling.