on June 13, 2013in Relationshipstags: communication, communication skills, ego, emotions, expressing feelings, feelings, how to communicate, how to express emotions, how to listen, Love, loving relationships, marriage communication, relationships, responsibility for emotionswith No Comments
Learn How To Express Your Feelings
Now that we know that we have to take responsibility for our emotions, let’s learn how to appropriately express our feelings, especially to someone that we love. This may be our spouse or even a friend, other family member, or someone at work.
“You Hurt Me!”
So let’s say somebody hurt you and your initial reaction is to say, “you hurt me.” When we say that, we are blaming the other person for our emotional pain and reactivity. Since we are now taking responsibility for our feelings, we need to frame it differently to show that we are the ones reacting to the situation.
The formula goes like this:
“When you said/did ________, I felt ____________.”
- When you said that you were leaving to the store, I felt hurt.
- When you turned around without saying anything, I felt lonely.
- When you stayed up late last night without me, I felt angry.
- When you told Brian that his mustache was manly, I felt small.
- When you said that you loved the color orange, I felt disgusted with my life. 🙂
I think you get the idea. 🙂
Recognize That How You Feel Is Your Inward Egoic Reaction
As you say how you feel, recognize that it is your inward reactivity- your own activity that we call “ego”. It is the ego that’s reacting to what is happening. It is not the other person’s fault that you feel that way. So instead of blaming them, we’re taking responsibility for our feelings of rejection and betrayal.
Inwardly we can breathe and become aware of Infinite Divine Love in our bodies, and we can practice devotion to The Divine. We can open the heart to the love that is available in this moment and realize our oneness with all. And it is our responsibility to love in every moment.
With love for you,
Dr. Moses. 🙂