on June 13, 2013in Podcast: Be Happy, Now! Practical Spirituality with Dr. Moses, Relationships, Spiritualitytags: communication, how to be a better listener, how to communicate, how to listen, how to listen to my husband, how to listen to my wife, how to mirror, husband, imago dialogue, listening skills, understandingwith No Comments
Hi, I’m Dr. Moses and today we are talking about Mirroring in Relationship
Mirroring is a very basic concept. It’s very powerful, so don’t underestimate it. If you can get into the habit of doing this on an ongoing basis, in any relationship, it will make a huge difference in the quality of your communication.
Mirroring Can Transform A Relationship
The reason that it works is because it forces you to get out of yourself and actually think about what the other person is saying! It forces your ego into letting go for a minute and actually thinking about someone else. We are all so contracted and self-centered. Because our egos are very active, it is difficult for us to listen carefully to what another person is telling us.
How To Be A Better Listener
Mirroring, Step 1:
Listen carefully to what your partner is saying to you. For example, my wife might say to me, “I felt hurt when you didn’t pay much attention to me at the party.”
Mirroring, Step 2: Repeat Back Exactly What You Heard
Repeat it back verbatim, exactly as he or she said it. Don’t change the words around to fit your perspective, or to try make it sound bad. Just repeat it exactly. We are trying to understand the other person.
For example, “So you’re saying that you feel hurt because I didn’t give you attention at the party?”
Mirroring, Step 3: Ask Your Partner If That Was Correct
Once you repeat it, ask if what you said is right. For example, “Is that right?” or “Correct?” Wait patiently for an answer. If it was correct, continue to talk. If not, try it again.
Bring Down Defenses And Diffuse The Situation
This simple action will immediately bring down defenses, diffuse the situation, and bring a sense of understanding in the relationship. Many people will say, “Wow! I finally feel heard for the first time in our marriage relationship!”
Try it! It’s very, very powerful, don’t underestimate it!